Is there true love anymore? What is the definition of true love? 
Is it truly different for each person, like we all come in different shapes and sizes, does love come in different shapes and sizes as well?
I came across a new group of would be friends the other night. A very friendly bunch. Maybe too friendly?
Out of the bunch, a couple stands out in my mind. I always tend to do it so why stop now. I analyze them in my mind. They are a gay male couple probably in their late 40s. They have been together for over 5 years. I did not get an actual number. They are planning their wedding slated to take place this month. Yeah, a happy occasion! In my mind, I’d believe they are so much in love and elated for this day to come of their nuptials. I mean why else plan a marriage? 
Enter another gay male of the group whose already friends with said couple. He is basically being fondled by both guys at different times. It is said its all just in fun. Granted the bride to be is a bit tipsy from the vodka that’s stashed under the table that a bunch of them have been swigging at times, but that shouldn’t be excuse to feel another man up? Right in front of your fiance? Why, because the fiance equally does this at times as well? The bride keeps insinuating to the guy being felt up that he will go downtown on him. Of course, it wasn’t really said that way. Said guy obviously likes the attention or he would say stop. He could walk by once and get his ass pinched, walk a different way and get his junk grabbed. Seriously!
Maybe they’re in one of them open relationships? Maybe they want to have a third in bed before said wedding? Or maybe they are totally unlike me and they feel a grope here and there is innocent enough?
Unless I get to know them better and either get personal for my own curiosities or have the reporter instinct come out of me and put them through an interview process..I shall never know the truth!
Regardless their reasoning which mind you is totally their business, how is this couple getting married really in love? To what degree? Is it true love? By their standards? Are their standards wrong? Are my standards wrong? I could never see another man touch my man anywhere. Plus he would have the whole night of being annoyed by me if he ever said any sexually flirting words to another man, days before our wedding or not! Are my standards of love right or wrong? So many questions! Do you give this couple a 
or 
If you are or have been in this situation, know someone in the situation or feel you can offer your feedback and maybe shed some light in the area, please leave me comments. I’d love to hear them. Is this true love to you? What is true love to you?
My 2 cents 
I don’t know. There’s a thin line between being truthful & hypocrisy. So my conclusion at this point is that love is not just a feeling but looking in the same direction.
Wow nicely done!
Everyone views Love in different ways
The way you love your family, your friends
And the someone special
Some people learn from there folks some from tv and movies
I think in some cases there to scared to open up and be commented to just 1 person and like the attention from others
I think love is very subjective and it isn’t one size fits all. I think the definition means different things to different people. To some people being “in love” is just a mixture of a crush and lust, which equates to all sorts of “feelings” that people don’t know how to categorize in any other way except to say it is “love”. It has different levels of depth and meaning to each person. As far as jealousy, I do not think that is love. If you were jealous that your man was touching another man that is more a feeling of insecurity than love. And as far as the touching, that has less to do with love and more to do with the morality of an individual. That is why it works best when you choose a partner that has the same morals and views on life. I know a gay couple that has been together for 30 years. They have been in an open relationship for decades. Actually it may be more one-sided, but that may be because one in the couple is much older than the other and there has been no sexual relationship between the two for many years. They seem like an old married couple, even though the lust/romance part of their relationship no longer exists, they still love each other in a sense that believe they will always be together, live together, take of each other (emotionally and financially). They seem like a family.
For me personally, I am not sure I believe in being “in love”, at least not FEELING that “in love” feeling forever. Though I do believe LOVE (not being in love) lasts forever. The way you love family, close friends, the people you would die for – which should include your partner. Every man I have ever loved, I still love in some way. I think if you truly love someone, you will always love them, they will always be in your heart. Though the feelings may change from a romantic type of love to a friendship type of love. Throughout a lifetime every person changes – it is inevitable. We all change and grow and feelings change as well, and the way you love someone will change over time as well. I think part of the reason that relationships and marriages end (50% of marriages) is because people have this IDYLIC VIEW on love and when they don’t “feel” the butterflies and lust any longer, they are off to find that warm fuzzy FEELING with someone new. Only to realize, it will eventually fade with anyone you date if you stay together long enough. Maybe the secret is to grow and change TOGETHER and continuously try to discover new things and hobbies that you can share in together, constantly work on the friendship and the sex as both are of equal importance. Try your best to treat the person with the same type of adoration, respect, and interest that you did in the beginning, you know, in the beginning before there were so many expectations of each other. Everyday pressures in life take away from those “in love” feelings.
I also think that when you feel that you are “in love”, that is a point where you really don’t know each other as well as you think you do. When you really KNOW someone, that fantasy and image you had in your head starts to fade (on both sides of the relationship) Another reason those “in love” feelings are stronger in the beginning – there is an idealized image of each other, no pressure, no expectations, just enjoying each other, and being more or less on your best behavior, showing lots of interest, not nagging, complaining, not having to deal with every day stresses that are unavoidable in a long-term relationship and a life.
Ok, just my two cents. Good topic and great start on your blog! Sorry, I just realized I wrote like a freakin book here! Hahaha!
Sherri, a sentence you stated makes a world of sense to me. Though it kinda goes hand in hand I guess. I would not get jealous if the partner wouldnt do said act. I wouldn’t consider myself insecure with this situation tho consider the partner morally wrong but like u put later in statement…it’s best to find a partner on same page then you don’t have to worry if they cross that morally twisted line. It’s a safe bet to assume that the couple is a couple that plays together and if they respect one another and can handle that then who am I touch judge. I can seriously say it’s not for me. At least at this age of my life. I hope I never get to a point where orb willing to accept that type of relationship.
Marc – I try not not judge others’ lifestyles as long as they are not hurting anyone else. There are couples that have open relations and “swinging” lifestyles. They may very well love each other and that is what works for them. Another variation of not one size fits all. The definition of love, of what is appropriate, acceptable and what makes each person happy in a relationship varies greatly by each individual. That may be the only way they can be completely happy and for you, you know that you could never be happy in that lifestule. Your main topic brings up so many other questions and topics. For example: is it realistic that once you commit to a lifetime with someone that both partners are going to be 100% monogamous for life? Is it “natural” for humans? For men? How difficult is that? Because love and sex ARE completely different. You don’t have to have one to have the other. Love is emotional and while sex can also be emotional, it is also physical and biological.
As far as jealousy, here is the definition from wikipedia:
Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a friendship. Jealousy is about something one has and is afraid of losing.
So, in essence jealousy is a part of insecurity.
Marc – in that situation if you felt “jealous” and felt you needed to control his behavior, that only means it is time to END the relationship as that is not what works for you. Time to move on – you are different people. Has nothing really to do with love.
The couple described above sounds like they are a good match for each other – since they both act in the same manner, therefore have the same values and principles. Whether that is overly flirty or in an open relationship. If they are happy, who are we to judge?! 🙂
Sherry took my words. hahahaha the only thing I can add is this…
The difference between the other relationships I’ve had in the past compared to the one I have now is this: Not only is he my lover but my best friend. What I mean by that is this… Yes, I’m with him everyday all day long but I still ask him how he is doing? what he is thinking? is there anything I can do for him? and he does the same for me. YOU HAVE TO!!! You can assume you know what’s going on in their heads. It does at least 2 things. For one it help him and most importantly it shows I care and he cares for me.
It’s been over 4 years and I can honestly say that I like Gary. Not only that but I love Gary. Not only that but I’m IN love with Gary. YES I AM IN LOVE still after 4 years and let me tell you it takes work. it’s not easy. but the great part about it is working to keep the “in love” part alive. Both parties have to be willing to do the work. and it’s not 50/50 either. It’s actually 100/100 from both parties.
Now when it come down to defining what love is, there is only one way that I’ve ever heard it described best and believe it or not The Bible: 1 Corinthians 13. Here is part of it…
“…4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres…13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
As long as the couple work together, (male or female, straight, gay, whatever race) in whatever they may believe in as a couple, as long as they are honest with each other in what they want from the beginning (forget the honeymoon stage) it will work out. Key is couple working together and being honest.
I’m lucky. I have no idea how I lucked out on having Gary walk in to my life. The Gods and Goddesses were looking out for me the I met him. He puts up with me, takes great care of me, etc. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
As for that couple you saw, for all you know, they may be looking for 3 person in the the bedroom and they were testing waters out. Or they have an open relationship. Or they may not be as happy and they my say they are and are going to get married for the hell of it. Whatever the reasons are, they have it and only they know them.
As long as you search for your Mr. Right and you make sure he’s your Mr. Right, that’s all that matters. Don’t settle for anything less. There is no rush.
great writing by the way.
Love is a broad topic.
There isn’t such a thing as TRUE Love but LOVE! Love has many many definitions and to be honest its both a feeling and undescribeable word. Many take it for granted, use it for no reason, claim they know what it is but cheat. I realize for myself that its something within yourself to see and feel with a special person. Now Feel isn’t that butterfly feeling I’m talking about…but a Vibe… a natural vibe. We as Humans are curious and want more than we can handle sometimes and that’s how we end up making mistakes but LOVE conquers all in the end. Loving someone for who they are and not wanting to change them but help one another. God knows we all have something to deal with as individuals.
Now if its something with one person grabbing another person infront of their “LOVER” and the Lover doesn’t say a thing… It could be something kinky they like and enjoy for fun. But if they are communicating in their relationship and both are honest… its weird to say but then its okay. Everyone has their relationship and NO NO NO relationship is perfect but only perfect in their eyes! As long your not hurting each other, abusing verbally or physically or not allowing each other to be Who they are then Love is nothing but PEACE! Peace of mind. Walk with Love for yourself and for everyone… cause Love is the easiest but hardest thing to do for many ppl and its sad but its the society we live in.
Marriage is being with a person no matter what happens… to deal with easiest and hardest things in their life Together. Becoming a Family! Not just a relationship or just having kids.
Truth about True Love is untold thoughts
Wow, I think Sherri hit the nail on the head with her comment on “true love’. I also believe true love is not a size fits all kind of thing, true love is definitely different in every relationship no matter if you been together a week a month a year or 50 years. I believe true love exists for everyone but I dont believe that just because you truly love someone that you are “in love” with that person. I knew a gay couple who were together for 22 years and they by all means truly loved each other in everyway that counts but for at least the one part of the duo they were no longer in love with each other. They were best friends, they did everything together but the romance and sexuality of there relationship distinguished years before but you could tell by the way they interacted that they did truly love each other and each others companionship.Many people don’t truly see the act of true love like i did with this couple. Unfortunately the one partner was diagnosed with liver cancer and obviously this was a heart wrenching time for both parties concerned but through the next 3 months the “healthy” partner took very good care of his partner until his last breathe and I mean that literally, he was there holding his hands both looking into each others eyes when the partner took his last breath and I was there at the moment as well and it was a very sad but touching moment of what true love is all about. So true love does exist but having true love is much different at least in my eyes to being “in love”.
Tania – sorry I took your words! 🙂 I don’t think I left any for anyone else, sometimes I can’t shut myself up! I agreed with everything you wrote as well – especially how much hard work it is to stay in love and that both partners have to be willing to work at it 100%. So true!
I also think that to be able to really love someone and to be someone that is lovable, you truly have to love and accept yourself – COMPLETELY. Reminds me of this quote:
“You must love yourself before you can love another or another can love you. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.”
One more of my favorites:
“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”
I truly beleive if you love someone….you shouldn’t be touching anyone else…..If your in love wih someone else….and are ready to marry that person….then you shouldn’t be touching or having feelings for someone else…if you LOVE someone…then that should be the only person…if your touching another person…doesn’t matter who the person is then I feel like your lacking something in that relationship…and then you shouldn’t be commiting yourself to that person….as for myself….I thought I was only love more then once…more then a few times…but either i’ve walked away for reason or they did…so was it really true love??? I think someimes I’m jaded now…
Is it true love or the fact that they are so comfortable with each other that they don’t know anything else? I have seen that situation some many times, I wonder how these 2 people are still together. But then again, am I being judgemental? Who am I to say one way or the other? In my opinion, true love is best described in The Notebook. To me anything less is settling.
True love I think is loving that person with all their faults and as sherri says accept them for themselves and not try to change them .of course in the begining its all roses and stars because its new and exciting but as you stay with some one for better or worse you learn what true love is ,some times people will say there is no such word as love.but every body feels different and thats our world. Different thoughts and feelings.I really think in the years to come people know if they love each other and of course as the years go by they grow old together being in love as well as being used to one another.
Don’t confuse love with sex and this couple becomes a lot easier to understand.
Doug. I do get it but I guess I personally can’t be in love and paw another man nor allow my man to do so. I just don’t believe they love me if they could want to touch another man even just sexually.
One more comment on monogamy and morality. I think many people don’t cheat, not because they don’t want to …..but because they don’t want to lose the person they love.
My man and I have been together for 8 years and love each other dearly. We have opened our relationship up to playing with others as a couple. We are very secure in our love for each other, and enjoy sharing our playtime with the occasional guy or guys, and have found that it has improved our sex with each other and opened up lines of communication that weren’t there before. It has improved the level of intimacy betweeen us. Now, I am not saying that what we have will work for everyone but it does for us.
I had the same thought Doug as I posted above. But didn’t see this until after DUH!
Marc – you should believe in yourself! If your man was touching someone else, he still MAY love you, but if that is unacceptable to you, it doesn’t matter, the relationship would never work as you have different views on love and life.
very true said Sherri…
I was going to write a big long essay but this silly little poem came out instead.
Love Is A Decision
Steve B.
Love is selfless
Love is kind
Love is compassion
Love is blind
Love is lifting
Of silent sorrows
Love is hope
In our tomorrows
Love is commitment
To ones own self
Gifted wholly
To someone else
Love is sacrifice
Love is acceptance
Love is compromise
Love is transcendence
Love is loyalty
Regardless of cost
Love is betrayal
When found to be lost.
Love is all of this
But more than these things
Love is a decision
To accept what Love brings
Steve.
Nice poem. It does point out things to define love. I noticed u did not have input about my writing in general?
Another one:
“Love is not a feeling, it’s an ability.”
Heard that in a movie and it stuck with me.
wow Sherri I was very moved by all that you said. I can relate to many things. I think we all can, the fact of the matter is, at least with me, in some insistence’s I ask myself; why does it all of a sudden have to become difficult? I’ve wondered this for some time now, just in my own personal “love life”. My ability has been tested, but still remains…
I say that it’s their business and not yours or anyone else’s. Yes, they may be putting it on display for all to see, but it doesn’t affect you personally. I am in a 100% monogamous relationship and I couldn’t care less about what other people do in that situation because it doesn’t affect me or the way I feel about my relationship.
Find someone who has your same view on love/relationships and stick with it. Different strokes for different folks.
Hey Marc – I’ve gone through so many phases in respect to this topic. My younger years which were all about conquest and exploration and then jealousy and insecurity came to surface and I reacted with doubt constantly. It took me 36 yrs to get to the point where I am finally at now. Not only am I completely contented and inspired by monogamy, but other than casual, non sexual flirting, I have no need, interest or concern for anything other with anyone other. At this time in my life I feel like there is no greater feeling than having one person with whom you share that part of yourself with and with whom you want to experience all that they have to offer as well. And it’s true that with this new self awareness comes a bit of judgement. I feel like this is the best way to live. But I’m not so bold as to say it is the right nor only way to live. It took me 36 years and a wonderful partner to get to this point. And every mistake, every lesson, every step was well worth the time and effort it took to finally get me here. If someone tried to control, limit or reshape my experiences in the past God knows how long this journey might have been or maybe I’d never get here at all. So I say, live and let live. True love is not the only valuable love. All love has something to teach us, some way of rewarding us. And when the time is right and the relationship is right, as adults, we can achieve new and better levels of commitment and intensity.
BTW, love the blog. 🙂
“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.” Shakespeare wrote these words. Our minds are our own, and we share them with whom we wish. Others’ eyes may judge, ridicule, or presume, but for true lovers, others’ eyes won’t matter. Only the lovers’ minds do:)
I think love is an extension of us. It is just what we feel for ourselves and reflect to our beloved piece of us that is outside.
We are not made to be alone. Somewhere, somehow there’s a guy or a girl that feels the same as you and complete the missing part of this puzzle.
All we have to do is believe and make it all happens.
We all had bad experience, but we can’t let it destroy our hope. This hope that is the reason for us to keep alive. A mission that is not easy, but we have to go until the end.
The award in the end worth it!
“All we need is love” and John Lenon knew it. He tried to teach it for us. open your eyes and your minds to see the best, even in bad people because they are an example we do not have to follow.